Blodder.de » Shit happens http://blodder.de Überparteilich aber parteiisch - politisch aber nicht korrekt Sun, 07 Aug 2011 01:41:41 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 What A Shit! http://blodder.de/2008/06/18/what-a-shit/ http://blodder.de/2008/06/18/what-a-shit/#comments Wed, 18 Jun 2008 17:35:04 +0000 blodder http://blodder.de/2008/06/18/what-a-shit/ The most powerful word? Well, shit…
Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language.
You can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die.
Some people know their shit while others can’t tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet shits.
There is bull shit, chicken shit and horse shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck when shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts, it’s the basic building block of creation.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don’t need to know anyshit else!
And all the time shit happens.

So lets see, if religions can help us with this shit.

COMPARATIVE RELIGIONS

Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius says, „shit happens.“
Buddhism: If shit happens, it is not really shit.
Zen-Buddhism: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hindism: This shit happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism: If shit happens you deserve it.
Mormonism: Shit doesn’t happen to us.
Calvinism: Shit is predestined to happen.
Presbyterianism: Shit happens because it was planned that way.
Unitarianism: We will study shit happening
Quakerism: Bless the happening of the shit.
Methodism: Shit will not happen to you unless you smoke, drink or dance.
Deism: Shit happens everywhere
Deveel Whorship: You will buy this shit.
Atheism: I don’t believe this shit.
Agnosticism: I don’t know whether shit happens.
Dyslexism: Tish happens.
Puritanism: Shit happening is God’s punishment.
Fundamentalism: If the scriptures do not say shit happens, it does not happen.
Secular Humanism: It is the fault of society that shit happens.
Liberation Theology: It is the fault of the rich that shit happens
Dianetics: Why does shit happen? See page 462.
Heaven’s Gate: Oh, my God! Shit didn’t happen!
Communism: Shit is required to happen to everybody.
Charasmatic: Shit happens. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!
New Age Theology: Shit happening leads to self awareness.
Existentialism: There is nothing except shit happening.
Satanism: We make shit happen.
Seventh Day Adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays.
Santaism: He’s making a shitlist and checking it twice.
TV Evangelism: Watch the shit happen. (And please send money to help keep us on the air.)
Jehovah’s Witnesses: {Knock, knock} Excuse me, may I have five minutes of your time to tell you exactly why shit happens?
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Hippiism: Hey, man, try some of this goovy Columbian shit!
Paganism: Shit above, shit below.
Wicca: Shit will return threefold.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, shit happens, happens happens, shit shit.

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